Road of Discovery – Part 1

As promised in my previous post “Retraction”, here is part 1 of the “Road of Discovery” that I find myself on.

In the past two weeks I had a lot of contact with people who, come to think of it, all share the same question. One that I have been asking myself for 5 years now: What am I supposed to do? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me? What does it all mean? The list goes on, but I am pretty sure that you catch the drift of what I am getting at. Funny thing is, the more people I speak to, the more people seem to share this same question. It might be disguised as something else, but when you get your hands dirty and get down to the nitty-gritty, it all boils down to the same thing.

It has been emotionally draining, yet exhilarating, and mentally challenging. By far the most difficult journey I have been on in a long time.

A friend in my hometown told me about the breakup of her relationship of 3 years. He boyfriend won’t commit to anything more than that. Yet, he has now decided to end the relationship, as she is not prepared to have a baby “just to prove that she loves him”.

Another friend, our friendship dates back to primary school, also called me and we spoke for about an hour. Her story is a very long and complicated one that stretches over the past 5 years, and I will only give you a brief outline.

She got married straight out of school, fell pregnant shortly after the wedding and just after the twins were born, her husband died. After being alone for two years, she remarried, which marriage is now in its 5th year. About 2 years ago she found out that her husband have been having an affair – “nothing sexual, just emotional and fun”. They went for marriage counselling and worked things out, but it was never the same for her after that. She’s been going through the paces and dying a slow and horrible “emotional” death. About 6 months ago she met someone through a mutual friend of her husband’s and they immediately clicked. She says it is like they can read each other’s minds. They have the same interests, same likes and dislikes – the proverbial two peas in a pot, and have been good friends from the word go.

This conversation posed a lot of interesting questions and I would love your feedback:

1. Is it possible to love someone, yet not want to be with that person? You love them, but would rather be apart as you know that you can never make each other happy to the full extent, and you would rather let the person go than to cause any harm to what could be a really good friendship.

2. Is it possible to be with someone and still feel lonely?

3. When is love alone enough to make you stay? What about staying for the sake of the girls, are you doing more harm than good – to you, your partner and the kids?

4. Are the feelings that she has at the moment real or are the feelings simply because her friend makes her happy, he makes her feel alive, share her interests and value her input, and she is confusing them with feelings of being “in love”.

5. Is it possible for one person in a relationship to feel completely emotionally drained, dead if you want, and for the other to be so blissfully unaware that he / she can be completely content?

I unfortunately did not have a lot to say to her in this regard, as I have not had that much experience in relationships. Only had two real ones to speak of as such – and 12 years on, I am still married to the second one!

I am however a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason”. I have believed this for a very long time and will (I think) always believe this. Coincidences are merely God’s way of making us aware of the road He wants us to take. I believe them to be the signposts along our highway “home”.

Up to now, this is what I believed, but I was never able to substantiate this with fact. As you might know from personal experience, this in itself opens a whole new can of worms.

Be sure to keep an eye out for the next post. You will not be disappointed as I will tell all of the amazing discovery that I have made.

Until next time, enjoy and remember Live Life to the Full – you never know when it is your last day!

Author: nanuschka

I am a free spirit born in the Free State, 20 years to late. I am Ying and Yang. I am the girl next door who prefers daisies and peace rallies, but can just as easily rock at a rally. I love all things Latin and am sure that in my previous life (if that existed) I was Spanish. The dark side of me, however, tells me that I lived in Mother Russia. I am an over thinker par excellence , in constant search of answers to all things that makes us human. What we do and, more importantly, why we do it. I hope you enjoy my rambles and would love to hear from you. If you like it here, please come back, comment and share. If not, let me not waste another second of your time. All I ask is that you respect my space, be constructive and leave negativity at the door. There is enough of that in this world we live in and yes, in my head too sometimes. Not everything here will be liked or agreed with. Some of it will be downright rude, crazy and straight forward. Not everyone will like me and what goes on in my head, but this is my life and my space. Enjoy the ride

One thought on “Road of Discovery – Part 1”

  1. Response to 2. Yes. I was lonely when I was married, never at any other time.
    Response to 3. Love alone is NEVER reason enough to stay.
    Response to 5. Yes.

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