I received the documentary / movie “What The Bleep Do We Know” a good two months ago, but never got round to watching it. This, I am pretty sure, also falls into place with the principles of Celestine Prophecy. It is no coincidence that I never had the time to watch it then. Now is the time that my life and frame of mind is in the right place to receive the message carried in it. Had I watched it earlier, it might have been completely lost on me. Last night I found it difficult to fall asleep and thought a movie would do the trick and after flipping through a few decided on this one. BOY AM I GLAD!!!
Initially I thought “I would never be able to follow this. Quantum Physics + Me = certain disaster!” However, I am not a quitter and decided to keep watching. My next reaction was “Oh, this is boring!”, but still I kept watching. Next thing I know I’m sitting here crying my eyes out with no inkling of an idea as to why. So confusing!?! I paused the movie, went back 10 minutes and listened to the section again, and again, and again and then once more. Then the penny dropped! I am so inspired and everything is crystal clear.
I have always thought of myself to be a confident person, not arrogant and certainly humble, loyal and compassionate. What I unfortunately did not realise (up to this point) is how I have allowed people to abuse these character traits combined with my fears (which I did not know existed) and walk all over me.
My past has left me with certain emotional scars, which I thought I had dealt with. After all, if I am not sitting there moping about it and feeling sorry for myself day in and day out, then I must have dealt with it right? WRONG!!!!! I have been living my life in fear and have allowed this to control my life. In a sense, I think this is worse than moping about what happened. I have, in fact, been deceiving myself for a number of years, believing that I am doing OK, while I was totally mindfxxxxxxxx myself by allowing the fear to control me, without realising it.
A very good friend asked me a while back what I am afraid of. I could not answer and shrugged it off. I honestly did not know what I was afraid of, just knew that I had this mind boggling, body numbing fear that controlled each and every decision I made. I always thought this to be my conscience, steering me in the right direction. How wrong I was!
My fears that I have carried with me are:
1. Fear of confrontation. I always shy away from confrontation. I always bow out gracefully with a smile and a nod and “You know what, maybe you are right”. Whenever someone raises his / her voice, I immediately back down, regardless of whether I am right or wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I have temper, which I lose from time to time, but you really need to make me feel like a lioness being pushed into a matchbox before I’ll react.
2. Fear of rejection / not being good enough. I suffer from the constant “I am not thin enough / tall enough / funny enough / smart enough / pretty enough / sexy enough to have this or that in my life – syndrome”. I now realise of how many great things I have denied myself. Whenever I could not get what I really, really wanted with all my being, I wrote it down to “it’s just not my time yet”.
Well Hello World! Consider this a fair warning:
I AM FAR FROM OLD, I AM HERE, I AM WORTHY, THIS IS MY TIME AND I WILL GET IT!