It’s over and I dont know what’s ahead!

Our history is not written by the great strides of yesterday, but by he ones we take today – Johnny Walker commercial

These words really stuck with me tonight.

Do you live in your past? Are you still holding on to the pain, hate, confusion and resentment? Are you controlled by the fear it creates? Do you secretly cherish and feed it? Why did it happen like that! Why did my boss choose him / her for the promotion, when I have been busting my ass doing overtime? Why did he / she have to cheat on me, when I gave it my everything? Why did my parents het divorced? Why, why, why?!?!

Do you live in the future? Do you base all your action and spend all your time planning around your dreams and goals? One day I will have my own house / car / business! One day I will find the perfect husband / wife! One day life will give me my fair due! One day, one day, one day!!!

The past is a good thing, only if you choose to learn from it and grow from it.

The future, dreams and goals – these are all good only if you use them now!

Do you know the saying: “To know the future you have to understand the past”?

What if understanding the past means you cling on to all the negativity it had? What if building castles in the sky mean that you are missing out on the magic of now?

Every day you wake up is a miracle! Every minute you have is worth 60 seconds of joy.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that life throws things at us that seems unfair. I know that we get frustrated with traffic, stressed about bills and irritated by idiots. I know it happens daily, even a hundred times a day. I know very few of us have the perfect life, but really?

Are you contributing to your own misery by allowing the past to control you now?

You can not go back in time. You can not erase your footsteps on the roads you took. You can not change anything that happened. You can not take away anything that was said.

You can not jump ahead a year and make your boss decide to give you the job. You can not see into tomorrow to know which off-ramp to take to miss the traffic. You can not know with certainty anything about the future, apart from the fact that you will one day die.

Here is another beautiful quote that really grabs me:
“When writing the story of your life, don’t allow anyone else to hold the pen” – Anonymous

Go out and live your life with gratitude. Let go of the resentment and pain. Release the anger and hate. Banish the fear.

Let the dreams and goals be reminders of where you want to go. Where you come from and how you got here does not matter. Where you are going is a mystery. Enjoy the journey! Cherish the now!

You are the author of your own life story. Make it a damn good one, you owe it to yourself!

Happy Mothers Day to my mom, Alta

You prayed and prayed and brought me into this world, but that only makes you my mother.

What we learned together after that, made you my friend, my best friend.

I remember so many stolen moments. Moments of pure joy and silliness amidst stress and fear.

Koeksusters and Milky Lane after school on Thursdays;
Picking up avo’s in Durban and those white milk toffees;
Lemon meringue and hot chocolate at Mugg and Bean;
“I could walk 500 miles” at Spur in Welkom;
Floating past BMW’s in our white VW Beetle when the roads got flooded, and waving at them like we were the queen’s of Stateway;
Getting stuck with the Beetle because the back wheel came off and overtook us!
“There’s a hole in bucket” while planting daisies and Kosmos seeds, turning our house into the prettiest one on Maryna Street;
Insisting that my friends call you by your name, even though we were only 16 at the time;
Running me hot bubble baths in the middle of the day, filled to the brim, when no-one was around to complain about it;
Window shopping for hours and hours until we could walk no more;
The magic power that apple boxes have.

You never tell me you are too tired or too busy to listen;
When you listen, you don’t just hear me, you really listen;
A simple ‘hello’ from either one of us and we can tell whether the other is happy or sad, excited or angry;
I can call you at 10 pm or 3 am and you will always listen! Do you know what that means to me?

We have cried together and we laughed together;
We have fought with each other and fought against the world;
You have always sacrificed your needs to give me what I need;
You never say “I told you so”;
You never criticize or judge;
You never blame or reject.

Your house didn’t always have money but your home always have love,
And laughter,
And sunshine,
And music,
And books,
And faith.

You have taught me an unwavering belief in God;
You have taught me to honor and respect;
You have taught me to fight for what I believe in;
You have taught me compassion and understanding;
You have taught me to be the person I am, and I can only hope to be like you one day.

There is so much more, but I’m crying too much now.

I wish I could build you a house where you can see Table Mountain when you wake up in the morning. A garden filled with Kosmos, Daisies, purple Bougainvillas, Christmas Roses, and Agapanthus. Enough space for your books and boxes and cats. A computer with uncapped internet and an IT guy on call 24/7. A space where you can write and read to your hearts content. A place where you can wear your pajamas all day, if that’s what you want to do. A place where you never have to worry again. Never, about anything.

I love you mom! Thank you for all you given me and taught me. Thank you for the selfless person that you are. Thank you for being my mom.

Happy Mother’s Day, I wish you could be here!

Lief you vir altyd.