Another taxi ha-ha moment

Another funny taxi moment to share.

One the way home tonight I found myself in one of the few deadly quiet taxis. No conversation, no music, nothing. Only the sound of the engine and the other traffic going past.

The driver started to plan out his route and asked “Anyone for Zola?” No answer, deadly quiet. “Anyone for Foamright?” Nothing. “Midas? Bus stop? Station?” Each question went completely unanswered. Resigning to the fact that he is not getting any of the stops right, he asked “Where is the first stop?” Not a peep came out of any of the passengers.

Very confused and bewildered he turned around and said “People, there is no meat at my house. You are going to have to go to your own houses tonight. So where do you want me to stop if you want to eat tonight?” Now, I don’t know if it was the expression on his face or the way he said it, but we all packed up laughing.

One lady indicated that she needs to get off at the garage (gas station). He stopped and another lady wanted to get in. As she approached it was evident that her jeans were about two sizes to small for her bulky frame (that’s putting it mildly). The one woman just edged a bit forward, leaving a gap for jeans lady to squeeze past her. Jeans lady tried twice but simply could not get her behind to fit through the gap. “Eish no! I can’t get it. I am too fat, I eat too much meat.”

The mention of the word meat had us all laughing again. The poor jeans lady of course had no idea what we were laughing about and stormed off very undignified; her mighty thighs and behind trying with all it’s might to defy the constrains of her pants.

Just as we were about to pull away, she dropped her handbag and bent over to pick it up. That was unfortunately the last straw. As if unzipped, the seam at the back gave way!

Laughing at someone else’s misfortune is not something we choose to do. It happens automatically. We were hosing ourselves!

I wish I knew this was coming up, I would have saved it for today’s Daily Prompt!

From the gut in a most unexpected place

Tell us about the last time you had a real, deep, crying-from-laughing belly laugh.

i am

Most of us grew up in very strict, orthodox churches and thus don’t really enjoy going to church.  I did not much care for church as a child.  Apart from Sunday School outings, there really was not much to like about it.  Honestly, what fun is there to be had when you have to sit motionless for an hour on a rock hard chair?  My gran used to have a pin in her hat specifically for those moments when you dare move.  Kicking your legs or twiddling your thumbs meant that you were not listening and thus resulted in a sharp prick with the pin.  Needless to say, we did not move much and church became a chore.

A while back Jacques, Luke and I started attending The Bay Christian Family Church.  We were immediately struck by the informality of the church.  The dress code is smart casual and most people wear jeans; everyone is warm and welcoming and we felt right at home from the minute we set foot in the door.  We certainly did not expect to have a good solid laugh as an added bonus to receiving God’s word.  Dr Allan Bagg has an incredible passion for God and it shines through with every word he speaks.

Two weeks ago he delivered a sermon on “I AM” and told the story of Moses on Mount Horeb.  Now, as a result of my childhood church experiences, when I heard Exodus, I thought: O Brother, Condemnation ahead!  Boy, was I wrong!  I hope I can do him justice in re-telling the story that had us all in stitches and left me laughing so hard that I had tears rolling down my cheeks.  Here goes:

Exodus 3:  Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian. And he led the flock to the back of the desert, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire from the midst of a bush. So he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, but the bush was not consumed. Then Moses said, “I will now turn aside and see this great sight, why the bush does not burn.”

Dr Allan:  I wonder if they really spoke like that in biblical times?  Think about it: you are walking along and see a burning bush, not being consumed.  Are you more likely to say “Check it out!” or would you say “I will now turn aside and see this great site”?  It would be more something to the effect of “Dude, check it out!  That’s just rad!”

This had us giggling, but then it got better.

Exodus 3: 13-14:  Then Moses said to God, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” And God said to Moses, “I Am Who I Am.” And He said, “Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, ‘I Am has sent me to you.

Dr Allan:  Moses was a man with a speech impediment, so when he was told that he need to address the people of the land, he asked “B…b…b….b…but w…w…w…w…who s…s…s…s…shall I s…s…s…s…say s…s…s…s…sent m…m…m…m…me?”

Typing it out definitely does not do justice to the way he said it.  Everyone in the congregation was laughing, it was hysterical.  He had our attention!  Then the message came:

I AM has sent you!

Who is I AM?

I AM (fill in the blank), I AM whatever you are in need off!

Are you looking for peace, I AM PEACE!

Are you looking for better finances, I AM BETTER FINANCES!

Are you looking for health, I AM YOUR HEALTH!

Are you looking for love, I AM LOVE!

Are you looking for joy, I AM JOY!

The Great I AM is with us every day in everything we do!

Thank you Dr Allan for a very powerful message brought through tears of joy!

I am no mystery – the mystery is inside of me!

Tell us something most people probably don’t know about you.

enigma

 

I got this one from Larry David’s Lush Quotes.  If you don’t know the site, do yourself a favor and pop in there.  They have thousands of quotes on all subjects.  Best of all, you are free to click, save and share as many as you want to.

Getting back to the post, I have been told once or twice that I am mysterious.  It is a concept that I fail to grasp.  I am just the girl next door; there is nothing special about me, I am just me.  With me it is very much a case of “what you see is what you get”.

To me, life really is black or white.  I don’t do the grey area thing.  If there is something which turns into a grey area, I go walking.  I mull it over and over and over in my head, until it makes sense.  Sorry to say, but I really can’t stand people who are indecisive about who and what they are, what they stand for and what they want out of life.

On that last point, I might be a bit of hypocrite though, so it put’s me in a tough position.

I know what I want out of life, but at the same time, I have this sense that there is something more, something bigger that I am destined for.  It is something that has been with me for just over 8 years now and every now and then it becomes this uncontrollable urge to just run until I find that which I am supposed to find.  For some reason, yet unknown to me, I just know that I am destined for more.  I don’t know which area of my life that pertains to, I just know that it is there.  When I am at the right place (emotionally and spiritually), I know the answer will be revealed to me.

I suppose that is my mystery wrapped in enigma for you.

I am heading for something big!  Like me, you will just have to stick around to find out exactly what that is.

The Road Less Traveled

Pinpoint a moment in your past where you had to make a big decision. Write about that other alternate life that could have unfolded.

road

I have written on The Road Less Traveled before, although from a different perspective.

There have been quite a few “points of no return” in my life and I am really struggling to find one to pinpoint for this prompt.

I guess you could say it was a momentous day when I had the choice at 13 whether I want to go live with my mom or my dad.  My brother was already out the house, my sister opted to go live with my dad and I chose to stay with my mom.

Also you could say that it was a turning point when, at 18 halfway through my matric year, I decided to move to Johannesburg – on my own.

Another big one was in 2011 when I realized that I have died on the inside and, despite the fact that we really do love each other, our marriage can not be saved.  That is a big decision right there; 12 years of marriage is not something to snort at, but sometimes you have to do what is right for you.

A lot happened in my life.  Not all good, but more importantly, not all bad.  I like to think that everything that happened, happened for a reason.  All of those event shaped me into the person I am today.  Through it all I had God’s love and grace over me, and that is what has given me the strength to carry on.

I am not one to sit and ponder about “what could have been”.  Thus the reason why I can’t pinpoint a specific situation for this prompt.

Yesterday is gone, never to be seen again.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  The only thing you are certain of is right now.  Live your life in a way that would make right now the most important, the best moment of your life.  Learn from the past, but don’t hold on to it.  Don’t worry about what could have been, you could never really know the outcome.

You are where you are now, right at this moment, as a result of a lot of circumstance and choices you have made.  Contemplating about what could have been is just torture.  You can not go back and make something “un-happen”.  Regardless of how much you would like to, you can not go back and retract those words or actions.

If you make today count, yesterday and tomorrow loses its power and simply does not matter.

I am alive now, I have this day and for that I am grateful.