I read a novel the other day, about a woman whose husband disappears. Obviously her world is shattered, not only by his disappearance but also all the drama that ensues: missing millions, illicit sex, double agents and everything else you can think of. Obviously totally ridiculous, right? Stuff like that just does not happen in real life. Or does it? Are we perhaps just shielded from stuff like that? Just think about it for a second…
You are sitting in front of your computer right now, reading this. What is happening next door? Could the single mom that seems so sweet and hard working be scrambling to get together money for a fix? Could the old man next door that everyone hates because he is always so rude and angry be crying in fear because he knows that he will be dying alone, filled with regret over bad decisions an worst mistakes? What is happening on the other side of the world? Someone is being born this very second while another is moving on to the afterlife. Skip the ocean and in Cuba you might have a drug deal going south in a big way while in Mexico someone is running to cross the border in the hope of creating a better life for his family. Jump to Africa and you might find a tribe leader being welcomed back with song and dance, naked women and children singing his praise for the food he brought back. You life in a world where anything and everything is possible. What seems impossibly unbelievable to you is the norm in another place. So, is it possible then that this novel is not so far fetched at all?
What I am getting at is a question as old as mankind itself: Is it ever really possible to fully understand someone? Is it really possible to say that you know the person you share your life with? Or do we just understand to the point where they want us to understand? Do we just understand them according to our level of perception? Would it not eliminate so much unnecessary fear and doubt and questions and misunderstandings if we could understand why someone acts they way they do?
I would really like to sit down with a guy one day and just have an honest, open, no BS Q & A session.
It would obviously have to be someone who is not even a friend. I can imagine a stranger in the streets of Madrid, sitting down for a drink or two and just really get down to the nitty gritty.
In an ideal world you should be able to ask these things of your partner, but does a relationship that really exist? One where there is totally honesty and trust, one where you are able to ask and answer without being judged. Surely you can agree that, when we get down to the nitty gritty of things, “the truth” as it is being told then will have some level of ego or self consciousness attached to it and this truth is then only a truth as far as the person wants it to be.
Ask your partner what they truly think about someone who cheated on his wife and the truth you will get will be one that comes from a guarded place of “saying the right thing”. We live in a world where people are so quick to judge without finding out what the reason behind something is. I am a bit of a pain in the a$$ where that is concerned: I always want to dig deeper and find out more – find the why and how, find the driving force behind an action or reaction. We have become so used to the idea of saying what the other person wants to hear, that our answers are thickly lined with self preservation and keeping the repercussions in mind, albeit immediate or a week or a year down the line. That is such nonsense. Would it not be better for all relationships if you could truly say what you think of a situation? That is why I would love to do a Q & A with a stranger; it eliminates the factor of self preservation and then supposedly, you get a better version of the truth, but it is still the truth according to that person’s understanding, experience and perception.
There are so many things I would like to understand about the human race – men especially- why we do certain things and how we justify it to ourselves. If you find something as acceptable which is frowned upon by the next person, does that then mean that you will do such a thing or is it just a matter of “situation permitting”, it would be OK to do that?
How often do men really think about sex? Is it purely an animal instinct or how much emotion is connected to it? Why go the length of flirting with a girl if you have no intention of making more of it? Why is frustration expressed in fits of anger? Why do they feel it is not OK to come home and just admit they had a sh!tty day and just want a hug? Do men ever just want a hug? What do we do when you are emotionally down? Why do you not express emotion – you have tear ducts for a reason you know?
There are so many things I want to know and understand, really understand, not so I can judge or condemn, but so I can know you better, understand you better. I guess until such time as truth serum becomes available at my local grocer,being a fly on the wall is a better option, if only that was possible.
What questions do you have?