Have you ever seen the lions in the zoo? You can tell which ones were brought into captivity from the wild. They have that hungry, wild look in their eyes. With time they either give up and their eyes glaze over or they retaliate. I am not quite sure whether I am ready to retaliate or wait for my eyes to glaze over. I am standing on the brink of that abyss that could either drown me or take me to a different reality.
I’m feeling restless. Edgy. Reckless, even. It is a dangerous place for me to be in. Fight or flight mode is in full swing.
It started as a subtle nag at the back of my head, making the hair at the nape of my neck waltz to the Blaue Donau. In a matter of days it has turned into a fierce Salsa, pulling my thoughts and emotions this way and that, making me head spin and turning my insides to jelly. The winds of change are blowing. Or is it just me getting ready to run?
Why is it that I think so much? Sometimes I wish I was a silly blond with not a care in the world and a “just-let-it-all-be” attitude. But I can’t. I have this drive, this force, this passion burning inside me and at times like these I feel like a caged lion. When questions burn in your mind and not knowing leaves you feeling like you’re drowning in the big wide ocean, what do you do? Is it better to push through and ask the difficult questions, even though you might not like the answer? Or, is it better to just let it be and walk on by? But walking on will leave the questions burning and the what if’s haunting you in the dark of the night when sleep evades you and the world is quiet all around. I think I think too much.
When is running giving up and when is running retaliating? When does running serve its purpose?
Reason tells me that the restlessness is within. It is the caged lion inside, on the hunt, prowling for the answers. Running will not get rid of the caged lion inside. It will not bring the answers, just more questions. Running is not the answer. Rise up and ask the questions, make the moves and let them hear you roar.
The caged lion that is ready to pounce is telling me to retaliate, to get away from what caused the questions to arise. Run, baby, run. But if I do that, how will I ever grow and learn and know?
The lion with glazed over, the dumb@ss part that always leaves me on the bathroom floor in a pathetic bundle of tears and my soul in a million pieces, tells me to just stay put and to stick it out and Que Sera Sera . Just sweep your questions under the rug and see what happens. Yes, sure, because that has always worked out sooooo well!
What do you do when faced with a difficult situation, when uncertainty plagues your every thought and you feel a tornado like force building up inside of you?